'cause I don't think that they'd understand

2008-09-28T17:39:00.006+08:00

apples for your lilies
sleeves for your tears
ego for your playing
courage for your fears

nothing more nothing less :)

1 Corinthians 13 (NIV)

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2008-09-13T23:59:00.001+08:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Genealogy research - Geneology

2008-09-07T18:19:00.001+08:00

2008-08-04T15:46:00.001+08:00

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love, O Lord, supported me.

2008-07-27T00:57:00.001+08:00

a morbid post

2008-06-23T00:31:00.003+08:00

man... cant believe it took 2 weeks for the two servicemen death news to reach me. so i pored over the news on CNA. sigh.. i was kinda saddened and all. i can't say i'm angry over SAF. when i was in it myself.. i kept thinking "man.. its so tough.. what if someone just can't take it physically? what if his limits are just not enough? with this kind of exertion, someone or something could just break." yeap.. my fears were proven right.
online news showed pictures of him.. flashing through and though. then i saw this picture. with him and his girlfriend. and i immediately went, "damn, he's attached"
no idea why i thought that way. just felt even sadder.
probably one good reason why i really didnt want to get attached during NS.

OCT Clifton Lam Jia Hao. i salute you.

2008-06-09T23:16:00.001+08:00

i'm having my first exams in 2 and a half years!! gosh. i'm feeling kinda excited!

2008-06-06T01:19:00.002+08:00

how can someone make such a song so bad sound SO good. really does goes to show you dont have to be dancing beside a pole to look sexy. i'm in love.

2008-05-22T17:14:00.002+08:00

in the morning the 21st of May, 2008, my ego got severely bruised.
and i was thinking, "gosh.. i miss that feeling"
its been a while :)

2008-05-02T14:25:00.000+08:00

happy 21st dan~!

2008-04-24T20:49:00.001+08:00

o my goodness. you want to know my worst fears? there it is.

you're alone in a small place and every thing's just passing by.

2008-03-16T17:38:00.002+08:00

-i love cooking. i just hate it when my apartment has to smell like what i cooked for the day! today's scent being curry.

-the rate i'm meeting new people is just insane. if only i had a way to store all those names.

-NS really does make one miss books. a lot. considering that i've been doing serious mugging though there is no apparent need to.

-the way Christians outside singapore interpret God's word can be so different and revealing. very interesting.

-cannot live without my macbook.

music

2008-03-01T17:32:00.003+08:00

can't wait for school to start. guess its not only the books and mugging i've been missing dearly.. but it's also that i'm going to study music! how awesome is that! finally studying a subject i love.

Description
An introduction to the main elements of music for non-music students. Drawing from a
broad range of musical examples, the subject explores fundamental musical concepts
including rhythm, melody, harmony, timbre, texture, tempo, dynamics, and form, and
how they interrelate in music. The course will also provide a basic introduction to the
graphical representation of music and an overview of the distinguishing features of
various musical styles. Although the main emphasis will be on Western art music,
examples from non-Western musical traditions and from popular music will also be
included.
Objectives
On completion of this subject students will have acquired
- a working vocabulary for discussing, describing and analysing music
- an ability to engage in active listening
- a range of critical skills that will allow them to understand music at a deeper level
and to think conceptually about music
- the resources to become life-long, enthusiastic and appreciative music listeners
Assessment
- Four listening tests (10 % each), to be taken throughout the semester
- One written assignment equivalent to 4000 words (35 %) due at the end of
semester
- One in-class presentation (15 %), to be delivered during the second half of
semester
- Attendance and class involvement (10%)

God totally answered my prayers! and i get to take acoustic guitar modules next year! i'm set

good music for the week

Surprise Me

2008-02-17T21:43:00.005+08:00

i would just like to say thank you. funny how i was blogging about the expression of thanks.

2nd February 2008
"..if only there was a better way to say thank you to someone. not just the simple words of 'thank you'. but a thank you that requires you to lay out your heart to show that you really mean it.. still knowing that even that won't be enough.
and thank you God.."

As much as this entry is inevitable. I found it very uncomfortable. Very unfitting to type out in words. But then again it must be the overwhelming emotional effect. People kept saying that i could have just cried. Darn right i could. I had to swallow tears for crying out loud. It was really uncomfortable. I kept asking myself stupid questions.. How could that many do that much for just that one? Why would all of them get out of their comfort zones on such a perfect evening? Why all the sacrifice? I just couldn't make sense of it all. But i know that in the end, God would make sense of it all somehow someway. And after some quiet time, the message couldn't be clearer. If i reckon that i rightfully deserve to be a child of God, joint heir with Christ, why bother questioning anything else? I have no right to weigh my life as it is.

Nevertheless, to those who mean so much to me,

Thank you loving me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. But I then again, I have not said much because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.

Happy Valentine's

2008-02-14T15:58:00.000+08:00

cut the chase.
buy a wife. :)

just ranting a bit

2008-02-11T00:00:00.001+08:00

its a long list of to do's and ranting. but i should feel better in the end. firstly, my jaw hurts. i went away for weeks and now its back. according to wiki research, its probably wisdom tooth. if it really is, it would be hilarious, considering that i just ord-ed and have passed the chance of doing it all for free. to make things worse its only 8 days before i fly. definitely between the devil and the deep deep blue sea. also i realised that i might have just lost my 11b. another hilarious thing considering that i just had the NSman sticker pasted on it. oh boy the chances and irony. oh and did i mention that i cant leave the country yet, mainly due to the fact that the department i've been trying to contact has been busy celebrating cny, disabling me from disrupting my reservice and moving on to studies. of course i cant forget the fact that i'm still not paid my allowance for my last month as an NSF. so tmr it would be a call to NSPC to wake them up, a long needed haircut, a police report, CMPB visit and a trip to the dentist if my jaw still hurts tmr. oh and maybe get some speakers for my laptop to cheer things up a bit

the pile of shoes

2008-02-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

there's cny. and so there's the visitation. ang pows. the receiving of guests. the good food and good talk. and a cheery conclusion at the end of the night.
..till you meet the pile of ladies shoes outside that is.

"omygosh! its tangled with yours! duane ah, come and help" (+5mins)
"*gasp* where did you get that pair from? its so nice! and..." (+15mins)
"eh?? where's the left side?!" (+10mins)
"aiyoh! the heel's broken!" (+10 mins)

and just when you thought its over you see one walking back

"faster call them back! this is not mine!" (pending)

2008-02-06T17:14:00.000+08:00

leaving it all behind.

i guess it takes a while to settle in. few days.. weeks maybe. anyway let me reintroduce myself. i'm ~~LTA~~ MR Duane Ho
and now if you would follow me in pumping the left fist into the air followed by the right..

ord loh

stop. drop. roll.

2008-02-02T02:41:00.000+08:00

its not only the petrol or dough prices thats going up. but my spending as well. exponentially in fact. can't help it though.. with all the traveling and meals with the long list of people i've been meeting. not to mention that time isn't even on my side. but hey.. its a feel good thing in the end. :)

if only there was a better way to say thank you to someone. not just the simple words of 'thank you'. but a thank you that requires you to lay out your heart to show that you really mean it.. still knowing that even that won't be enough.

and thank you God.

couldn't think of anything else more officiating than blogging

2008-01-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

i'm making it official. i'm leaving soon for uni in melbourne. and by soon i mean in 3 weeks. i know.. i know.. its too soon. too soon for anything and everyone. and it's always the same response..
"what?!" / "gee.. that sucks man.." / "what about all those things you've planned out" / "just after ORD!?"
believe me. I KNOW. i feel every pain and bewilderment you assume my oblivious mind or feeble heart could not handle. how about something more positive next time. i'll start with this -> :)

just to lay out certain facts
1. i had the idea and slight intention of going back down under to study. but not that soon.
2. i've a perfectly great place in nus with so much to look forward for.. but i scaled both of them side by side and.. straight to the point - it is my choice.
3. timeline wise. i didn't really have much of a choice. its either now or next year. i fought hard, prayed hard and requested for semester 2. but was replied with no, no and no.
4. i get to go all the way to masters with practically zero dollars!
5. evelyn was telling me that sometimes we have the urge to leave everything behind and start again with no strings whatsoever attached. like pressing life's restart button. you know what? maybe i do. seems rather cool a thought.
6. like said. i just wanna graduate good and earn enough money so that i can go into my passion of food and music. (you need capital you know)

what can i say.. life sometimes presents itself as an unstoppable freight train or a draft of wind caused by a wave of God's hand. either way, i'm not quite prepared.

i should blog again about this with a more settled and stablised frame of mind.

i so have to account for this

2008-01-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

darryl ho, affectionately known as ping, accuses me for being a CPS (car park snatcher)after the incident today.

so the following is an account to the best of my unbiased knowledge.
i was driving right behind ping in the multi storey carpark when he stopped in front me. i edged up to his side and apparently there was a car that happened to leaving from a slot. once the car left, ping and his fellow passengers waved at me to go ahead. now this is the tricky part. because all that earnest waving could be interpreted in two ways.

a) i am a kind soul. a man before others. please go ahead and take that lot.
b) move ahead, get the out of the way and make space for me to park my car

now. obviously i chose to believe in the good of others. so i parked my car and turned to face ping's angry face with clenched fists and dear alvin's bellows.

wah la.. i'm a car park snatcher.
its cool. we're still friends

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

i don't really have Christmas wishlists. but this year I definitely have a wish item. totally.

I'm no macintosh freak. Neither into the 'i' cult. people keep telling me that it wins pc handsdown. and from the try out.. it totally does. wah la.. i'm convinced.

thinking through. pretty decent pricing on design and performance balance. peaking 2ghz+ and 2gb. steve jobs was smart enough to adopt intel's core 2 duo. preinstalled ilife and knickknacks. what totally blew me away was the 30plus sec boot speed and multi tasking.. especially with the expose. too bad only 2 usb ports, limited firewire 400, weird mini-dvi output. irritating non matt screen and powerful fingerprint magnet. worst of all.. not game friendly. might have to get parrallels or boot camp. other than that i think its great for uni. minimalistic. platable. and very chic.

if no ones getting it for me. i'm getting it myself.

Don't Get Around Much Anymore

2007-12-18T10:22:00.000+08:00

Turned the corner, back into work.
Duane's Sunday - his first day back to work after a weeks break - started when he was yanked from a dream, pulled out by the beep of an alarm clock followed by the same sore seizure realisation, that he'd miss Christmas day. Pretty much as sure as death and taxes. Mom asks. Friends asks. People ask. He just couldn't bother to remember much of the specifics - just a few details, unconnected - and he had a sense that there hadn't been much of a narrative to it all anyway. Let alone explain.

He glanced over and noticed Asri peering from the ajar door, like he was either planning to stick up the place or hoping to get the attention of someone. For one irrational second, there was the urge to slam the door in the face for being the constant persistant fool. But then he checked himself and remembered that Asri had looked him straight in the eye and sworn he would never disappoint in his work as a section leader. Duane laughed inside, feeling good now and swept by a sudden, odd pride at this group of men he'd built into such dynamics.
"Fine, smoke the whole pack and get the hell out."

The door swung to its full waiting glory, emerging the second figure - Andrew. He had a way of moving too quickly; you'd blink and he was on the other side of the room. This time half out of breath.
Duane felt it in him now again - that dread. that awful certainty he'd kept clenched behind a shelf in his brain.
"Intrusion?"
"No"
"Casing?"
"No"
"What?" with desperate trepidation.
"You have to see this"

A few paces out and to the right brought to the incident which stood aloft. Propped tables wrapped in green blankets. Freckled with glow-in-the-dark sticks. Memory served them right with the addition of a star made of used foam cups.
"So? What do you think?"
"Poor attempt." Duane thought to himself.
Poor attempt that gave spirits lift. Feelings that stirred was somewhat the first unspeakable Christmas gift.

2007-12-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

bummer

2007-12-01T14:59:00.000+08:00

i don't whether its got to do with me having a thing for girls who play guitars. i think its a syndrome. but anyway, i'm sure a fan of this lady here.

.xmas. i've not missed it for the past 19 yrs. too bad this year's different. i kept telling people that i was totally crestfallen when i recieved the orders. but its more than that to understand really. its like having a fluffed paper bag heart.. then dropping a stone right into it, sinking deep into the pits of the stomach. you know.. that kind of feeling. in the words of a friend.. "bummer"

i wonder if God gets those kind of days.

2007-11-23T08:42:00.000+08:00

another time whereby i come back to an empy home. sigh.

they had better send a 'wish you were here' post card or something.

2 months 15 days

2007-11-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

its hard to leave. be it a relationship or a game. for my case, the men of platoon 9. its been pretty much a journey of empowering people rather than that of exercising authority - one of the greatest lessons on leadership i've learnt thus far.
all i can say is that after a phase in life is always another phase in life. no fighting that.

exile on a day nothingness

2007-11-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

will back 2-3 weeks time.
all the best for the exams. all the best for the coming UMNO meeting. God bless the ongoing xmas decoration works.. surprise me! ;)

ah.. i knew something was missing throughout all the prep and packing. grandma just called to pray. now i'm fiinally good to go.

a fitting band thats finally starting to write their own songs.

now at the count of three...

can't let you go.. oh oh..
can't let you go.. oh oh..

2007-11-01T18:30:00.000+08:00

haha! dude!

man of reminiscences

2007-10-28T21:27:00.000+08:00

manhill restaurant. where my parents' first date happened. can you imagine.. 28 years. wow. no wonder i'm so idealstic when it comes to relationships.

through the last 20 yrs.. i've come to realise that my father is a man of reminiscences. down to the very last bit. smiles whenever he passes a familiar place that has a lingering tinge of his childhood. chatter enthusiastically over watermarks of his cassonova days. or boast over his blazing IBM days. it's his form of joy i must say. he gives a feeling that nothing in this world can deny the joy of reminisence bumps.

think i might grow up to be just like him.

2007-10-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

Haha i'm in no position to comment. But i think this mail from darren sounded hilarious.

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules '
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1'
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

2007-10-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

i was in a rush and about to start eating when my grandmother opposite me bowed and said grace.

its things like these that reminds you of how you really need some people in your life.

2007-10-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

random observations. i have developed a bad habit of eating my meals with a fork. and a fork only. and that i only eat crunchy apples. i mean Crunchy. period. paragraph. page.

its been a stressing week. whats new.

i still can't grasp with the fact that i'm a core leader in yc. with all the other commitments thats dragging me down.. its just that i could have done so so much more for the church.
someone told me that God's putting effort to make time for us. so we on the other hand just needs to put in the other half of the effort. the only drawback is that there isnt a marking to demarcate the halfway line.

now. if there's one thing you want to spend your dough on. i say that $18.90

2007-10-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

She’s decorous and demure yet so animated and vibrant. The snap intellect. Added with gorgeousness to boot. Best of all, she totally has a clue about what I do.

I think I’ve fallen for the general’s daughter.

What on earth am I thinking.

2007-10-06T09:45:00.000+08:00

hey hey

2007-09-30T00:31:00.000+08:00

drafted. kept as a memory of bruised ego and spitfire infuration.

rush of pain to the head

2007-09-16T19:24:00.000+08:00

an old post of mine on sunday, 19th february, 2006.

"..i was thinking if God gave me a choice to be either blind or deaf.. i'd rather choose to be blind. no doubt about that. it has always been a nightmare to think of myself going deaf. it doesnt matter if i'm blind.. just a little inconvenience caused. but if i become deaf.. i won't be able to listen to the music i love, hear myself play the guitar, feel the voices of people i care for. silence. cant imagine.
i thought about that because this morning when i woke up.. i couldnt hear anything at all. i freaked out a bit. and it happened again in church today. sigh.. i'm really really scared..."

i read this post. and i laugh. i really do. not sure about what. maybe because God was trying to show me how much of a fool i am. or teach me a lesson in His own Godly ways. and just why was i reflecting on this post?
last tuesday night for about 10 mins. i lost my sight. i was blind

i got hit in the head. and it wasnt just some hit. it was a traumatic force that blacked me out. when i woke up, all i could feel was the excruciating throbbing pain in my head. i tried to carry on but i just knew that i had to rest just as everone else told me to. so as i walked back to my office, the world around me felt different. but i just couldnt bother to focus on it. all i felt was pain that bore right down in my mind. in the office, someone was watching the television. so as i sat down and looked up. i couldnt see. nothing. it was just colour. it was just white and some patches. i KNEW there was a tv in front of me. i KNEW there was a show playing. i was telling myself... IT HAS TO BE THERE! but with eyes open, i saw nothing.

i wish i could put to words how i felt. probably it was fear. maybe the kind i've yet to experience in my twenty yrs of life. it wasn't a kind of fear that raised my heartbeat rate. wasn't the kind that made me break out in panic and cold sweat. rather, it was like a tide. rising way above my head as i stay chained to the ground. surreal, silent and looming fear. pardon my limited vocab.

somehow amidst all that fear. i thank God that my first reflex was to pray. the amazing thing was that i didnt pray for healing of restoration. can you believe it... i actually prayed for understanding. it was just the first thing that came to mind. but looking back. i think i now understand. :)

deaf. heard that. blind. seen that.
either way.. i was really really scared.

now. my life's about waiting for God's lesson number 3.

2007-09-08T00:19:00.001+08:00

yaohui says:
btw wad is ur fav animal
vintage fit says:
dude
vintage fit says:
what kinda question is that man
yaohui says:
eh
yaohui says:
just answer!
vintage fit says:
hm
vintage fit says:
i dont know man
vintage fit says:
hm
vintage fit says:
chipmunks maybe
yaohui says:
dude
yaohui says:
chipmunks a re not even real animals u jackass!
vintage fit says:
oh yes they are
vintage fit says:
i've seen them on tv!
vintage fit says:
i think
yaohui says:
huh really!!!?
yaohui says:
i'll look wikipedia up tmr
yaohui says:
imma sleep now
yaohui says:
take care duane
yaohui says:
dont forget about me when ure free
vintage fit says:
now may i know why you even asked that?
yaohui says:
I DUNO
yaohui says:
OOPS
yaohui says:
i dunno
vintage fit says:
you worry me

2007-09-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

i hate it.
whenever my grandma tries to pry open with her feeble fingers, to force in those crumpled dollar notes into my hands.
i hate it.
whenever she scolds me for turning down of the money.
i hate it.
whenever she insists even further, rendering my violent rejections futile.
i hate it.
that a pair of movie tickets, an entrance into a club or a fancy good meal could cost those notes.
i hate it.
knowing that a young punk like me could spend those dollars in a whiff once i step out.

for all i've got. i'm not worth those few crumpled dollars really.

music over coffee

2007-08-25T01:59:00.000+08:00

just what do you do in a cafe?
a typical boring day today. so i went to the nearby cafe. as i sat down, i noticed people. a couple laughing about. group of students studying. the old wrinkled man into his fervent studious reading. the insurance agent laying down the terms and conditions. even those who have just entered and nestled comfortably in the ambience would start the simple simple process that would shift from small talk to big talk and then discover the magic of a great conversation.

well then i say.. how about just doing nothing? just nothing. hell yeah, i know its a waste of time for a typical singaporean. you've got work to do, taxes to pay, relationships to maintain, events to catch up on, things to worry about, joy to share around, sorrow to go halves. i get it.
but if there's a list of things you can do in a cafe, why not add one that says, 'sit down. order that cup. listen to music.'?

have you ever walked into a cafe and seen some person just sitting in front of his coffee soaking in music for the full few minutes at least.. nothing more nothing less? thought so.

i tell you. it takes courage. in mere moments, you'll be screaming thoughts "hey! you've got to do something! at least read! make a phone call! check the darn time! fumble that phone! talk to someone! study for your oh-so important future!"
its like having classmates around you frantically studying for the impending exmas, while you just sit back and watch them. to maintain such a quiet, reserved stance amidst all the chaos around you. thats courage. in the kind of lives we live in for that matter.

whats all the dumb courage for? i tell you. your mind is such a beautiful thing. once settled. just add music. like that cuppa with sprinkled chocolate. or frappa with (ok.. fat free) whipped cream on top. feels good. yeap. all that dumb courage for that sweet taste.

if we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death and taxes.
i feel God watching all this. waiting for that little window to drop a note beside that cup.

just makes me wonder if there's anyone else like me

2007-08-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

haha. deleted for obvious reasons.

about time

2007-07-23T12:03:00.000+08:00

hey, i know its tough. but i'm sure you've heard of prayer.

Cause we break
And we burn
And turn it inside out
To take it back
To the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are

2007-07-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

perfect lyrical description of how i daydream

A good bit of me keeps to the sky
On the back of a cloud unaware of how high
If I stay where I lay I might drift away soon
From the pull of the sun I am full of the moon

2007-07-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

a question to fellow brothers.. if you had girl problems, who would you talk to about it - mum or dad? was talking to uncle ivan when he told me that whenever it comes to such things.. ALWAYS talk to your dad about it.. NEVER your mum.
i dont know about that, but it seems like i'm more for the opposite.

talking about mum and dad..

dad wants to get the lotus

and mum wants to buy a punching bag

to think that the mid life crisis was over

again jaded

2007-07-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

i can't believe transformers got only two stars. to see your childhood heroes come to life (somewhat).. sigh, some people have no idea. i was like smiling throughout the movie man, esp when optimus prime appeared. i was stupefied. though i kinda expected megatron to transform to a walther P38 pistol rather than a cybertronian jet. and optimus prime should have jolly well used more of his heated sabre. nevertheless.. it rocks. and i smell a sequel..

all that aside.. the chevy camaro was stunning. i really really hope its not concept. so that i start saving for one.

and if you thought that ones heart cannot be stolen through the ears.. there's the bose OE tri-port on-ears to prove you so wrong.

i knew i wanted you the moment i heard you

yeah... i'm a gear n gadget man.

2007-06-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

cupid of the day!

was driving and turning into serene centre when i nearly hit into this couple. the guy grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her back. my gosh.. you should have seen it. the tinge of pleasant shock in their eyes as they froze in their tracks. looking into each other. hand in hand. they just stood like that for a full three seconds! (CLEARLY they've never held hands before..)
and me being the non-spoiler kind, let those sacred seconds pass in non-horning silence..don't think they would've heard me anyway. when i continued driving past them.. i just had to give the guy a 'you-SO-have-to-thank-me-for-this-bro' wink.

;)

2007-06-17T13:20:00.000+08:00

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

2007-06-06T11:33:00.000+08:00

wonderful. my mom thinks i'm gay.

what i've learnt today.

2007-05-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

was doing a case study..
some of the many phonecall transcripts..

"..Babe? I.. er.. I love (inaudible).. My plane has been hijacked.. They forced their way into the cockpit."

"Mark, I love you, too."

".. and please tell the boys that I love them.. that I always.. always (inaudible).."

"Gloria (inaudible).."

"I'm fine Mom.. just know that I love you okay?"

"I love you so so much.. you know that?"

"Just know that mommy loves you alright? Remember that. Mommy loves you."

"If they manage to.. Oh God.. you know.. I love you. Bye."

"I love you"

so i want to write and say so much about what my thoughts are. as much as that emo kid who just slashed her wrists. or the boyfriend who's waiting outside with a mindful of excuses and apologies. or the husband who's been pining for that one peaceful dinner with his wife. or the flared up father who's been waiting in the living during past-curfew hours.

But sometimes, as you can tell, it's only until when we mere humans are stripped bare of hope and dignity and pride and ego.. that we minus the words and go straight to what the heart speaks. It's sad.

so for today, i'd like to write less and just express three words as an advice to the hard armoured human race..
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cut the chase
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oh. and i love you.

move

2007-05-27T11:29:00.001+08:00

currently. i'm not too hyped up about the moving part. i mean.. i'm really fine with where i am now. cool neighbours and all. and of course my beloved room with my adored guitars and my precious music and my must-have bed. (not to mentioned that i painstakingly designed my own room!) yeah sure, all that can move with me.. but when i think about it.. its the location man. besides i dont think i'm the bukit timah/town kinda person. i like playing soccer at the nearby void decks. run to the opposite mama shop. you know.. at least i can relate to 90% of the population.

but my mom said that she prayed for it and God definitely has been pointing into that direction. touche.

2007-05-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

today i was trying hard to explain things and bring a point across.
then i said, "come on. take this song"
now i am contemplating why i said that

its remarkable how accidental words can sometimes turn out rather beautiful
..at least thats what i feel

2007-05-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

moment i got home, my dad insisted in immediately installing the webcam he bought for me. truth be told, i was never a fan of such stuff.. let alone have the least interest. but still.. he insisted. and to top it off.. there was a COLOSSAL problem in the installing and configuring (so much for plug'n'play). he didnt even want to leave till i got it fixed. 2 hours later, it finally worked fine which appeased my dad. haha.
played around and d/led skype. you what do you know.. i'm starting to like it! haha. pretty cool gadget. the question is.. who else on earth i know have a web cam??
tsk.. another white elephant.

a child

2007-05-06T16:04:00.000+08:00

apparently i have offended some people with my previous entry. because i made them feel old. my sincere apologies.
so here's a list of things you might wanna do to patch things up and make yourself (feel) younger.
** warning: the following might be dangerous, piss others off or just plain stupid.**
but then i suppose thats what makes a child doesn't it?

1) When shopping with your other half at the mall, run away from him/her. Then get him/her into a finding frenzy.
2) Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today
3) Sing into your hairbrush
4) Grow a milk mustache
5) Read the comic strips and throw the rest of the papers away
6) Dunk your cookies
7) Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.
8) Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you want both.
9) Step carefully over sidewalk cracks while walking home.
10) Refuse to eat crusts
11) Make a face the next time somebody tells you "no"
12) Ask "Why? a lot
13) Believe in fairy tales
14) Have someone read you a story
15) Eat dessert first
16) Wear your favorite shirt with your favorite pants even if they don't match
17) Hide your vegetables.
18) Find some pretty stones and save them
19) Walk barefoot in wet grass
20) Giggle at artistic nude statues.
21) Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.
22) Take a running jump over a big puddle
23) Stir ice-cream flavours together
24) Do that tap-someone-on-the-shoulder-while-you-stand-on-their-opposite-side-and-they-turn-around-and-no-one's-there thing
25) Enjoy your all-time favorite candy-bar. Well.. Just forget about the word calories.
26) Put an orange slice in your mouth, peel side out, and smile at people
27) Say your bedtime prayers beside the bed.
28) Buy yourself a helium balloon along orchard road.
29) Make somebody laugh just when they start to drink something
30) Make an invisible friend
31) Give people nicknames
32) Race and then argue about who ran the fastest.
33) Have a best friend. And a bestest friend. And a bestestest friend.
34) Stand at the fast-food counter and eeny-meeny-miney-mo the menu
35) Get a friend to do the “magical-thumb-removal”. Then act amazed.
36) Got a scrape or bruise? Get someone to kiss it away.
37) You don’t promise. Instead, you “cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die.”
38) Spin around, get dizzy and fall down. Laugh a bit maybe.
39) Lie with your fingers were crossed.
40) Consider ice cream as a basic food group.

And finally my personal favourite..
41) Lie on your back in a field and look at pictures in the clouds.

Fond memories For those who born in the 70s and 80s.

2007-04-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

1. You grew up watching He-man, MASK, Transformers, Silver Hawk andMickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, MyLittle Pony and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mugin Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drainwith all your classmates beside you, and brush your teethwith a coloured mug.The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.
3. You know what SBC stands for.
4. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.
5. You watch a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.
6. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
7. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEP! when pressed. There are colourful tickets forTIBS buses. Theconductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole in the ticket.
8. Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant everyChildren's Day.
9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who'sVinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on theseat to see the scenery.
11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50. &@%#$*@#$^*!@#&^$
12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry ShortCake and Barbie Dolls.
13. You learn to laugh like The Count inSesame Street.
14. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka (20 cents per pack), andDing Dang (50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, wherethe lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
15. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons becauseChannel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The ThreeInvestigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickeststory books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.
17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant thatserve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
19. Catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.
20. Your English workbooks was made of somedamn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
21. CDIS were your bestfriend
22. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neckand a must everywhere you go.
24. Boys loved to play soccer with small plasticballs in the basketball court.
25. Teng-teng, five stones, chapteh, hentambola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...
26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the mostimportant plants of our lives, guppies andswordtail being the most important fish.
27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr.Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks
28. We carry out experiments of our own to get yourself badges forbeing a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.
29. Every Children's day and National dayyou either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumbfiles with 'Happy National Day 1994'.
30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for theyounger kids like big sister and brother.
31. We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.
32. Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.
33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained,and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet,and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
35. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
36. There would be spelling tests and mentalsums to do almost everyday.
37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich ifyour parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.
39. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl
40. Boys like to catch fighting spiders.
41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.
42. Autograph books were loaded with "BestWishes", "Forget Me Not", and smallpoems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch.Friend like you, hard to forget".
43. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, Iwrite your name ah!"
44. There were at least 40 people in one class.
45. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
46. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.

~

memories.

2007-04-22T17:33:00.000+08:00

to all friends (and neighbours especially), if you want to drop by.. be my guest. but please at least give a shout out! it'll at least provide some time to put on a shirt and smooth out my ruffled wake up look! gosh.. today was bad bad day.. especially when your parents come along too. gosh..

now that my schedule has been mixed, mashed, and fallen from grace.. i'll be finding myself free from tue to thurs. free to hang out?

jaded

2007-04-08T01:30:00.000+08:00

and so it is. exactly one year ago.. when i was still a city boy waiting for the so called impending doom in green. call it an anniversary if you want. its amazing how time flies. especially when you didnt know what to expect in the days ahead. and really.. i didnt know what to expect at all. well, looking back.. its wasnt so bad after all. made friends.. distanced some. (give and take i guess)
i dont know if it's a common among us ns guys.. but every too often, i'll space out and fill my head with thoughts and imagine what my life would be like if i wasn't serving my 2 yr duty. the pictures painted are endless. i'd be making cool friends, picking up more hobbies, serving in church every week, trying out every single ben and jerry's flavour, strumming guitars, churning music, being a misfit in uni, playing mr mischief, acting cool, staying strong and silent, turning funky and wild, becoming popular, getting a pretty girlfriend, saving the world.. countless
so am i getting an equal trade-off of all that for this military lifestyle? am i missing out? well.. maybe its still a little early to judge things that way. and if i had a choice.. well, i would keep the way things are. i mean.. as much i've lost in life.. i think i've gained. i've learnt how to hold things within, especially when you cant share your problems (let alone blog) about your daily classified work, and as such people never quiet undertand what you're going through. i've learnt about sacrifice. about pain, be it physical, or mental. i've learnt about how much of a dumb ass i've been to take certain things in life for granted.
then again.. there's always an aching feeling within that tells me that i'm missing out on a lot of things. everything just whizzes past me. hope its normal to feel lonely.
if you're starting to feel worried about this rambling fellow.. dont be. i'm made of better stuff than that. in fact.. i'm enjoying this process. becasue i'm being moulded to become a man. this period is going to make me emerge as someone who will do great things in life just gotta wait for another 10 months.

2007-03-10T15:12:00.000+08:00

today is my big day. finally.

all these months. it sums up to this moment.

2007-03-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

living in fear now. the spray paint. open pool. grins. secret murmurs.

the darkest hour is yet to be.

once was blind but now i see

2007-02-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

is it me or has there been a series of shocking events for me these few days.

i went for an eye sight check at the optician. and apparently, my vision went from about 175 degress to .. ZERO!

2007-02-23T06:37:00.000+08:00

i felt Jesus this morning. pretty amazing :)

2007-02-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

i met a girl today.

her name was... duane.

?

2007-02-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

everyone's like booking out for vday and i didnt really have any plans.. so i did the best thing of the day. went home, took a shower and brought my guitar to camp. now its just me and good 'ol Faith. people have no idea how good it feels to finally have a guitar with me in my room now.

and since its vday, i just came up with what i percieve as the most romantic and heart wrenching love professing quotes i can ever think of..
"you... you.. yes you, are the char siew of my char siew bao.
you... you.. yes you, are the dark sauce that runneth over my chicken rice.
you... you.. yes you, are the coconut milk that laces my laksa.
and i.. am of nothing.. but the plain white rice that goes with everything that you are."

i know.. thank you. thank you.

A Valentine Story

2007-02-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.

His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell.

With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel."

So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured.

Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"

The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-10T12:09:00.000+08:00

i'm stressed out. pft

haha! sure did crack me up with this

2007-02-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

Use these findings for a more successful relationship, now or in the future.

*Specifications may differ from model to model.
**Your performance may vary.

Always make friends with her mother.

Everyone loves compliments - as long as you are sincere and believable.

Flowers and Chocolates are great gifts but never Diet Books.

Swimming dates can be very pressurizing on EVERYONE.

Braces can hurt. Proceed with extreme caution.

Learn to dance - but not so well that you set off "gay-dar".

Understand your place in the world. You may be on her priority list, but sometimes only after homework, her dog AND the Tangs Sale.

You are never in charge. She might pretend that you are - but don't be fooled.

Never take a girl out to watch a movie you actually want to see. Either you won't really see it, or if you do, you'll probably ignore her for 90 minutes. Either way you lose.

Make her laugh - but use humour. Tying her up and tickling is a no-no.

Have a shower before you go out. You don't want her to pass out if she snuggles up to you.

Her friends are always going to be on her side if you fight.

She wants you to order for yourself what she wants to eat.

She wants you to read her mind - but she doesn't want you to gloat when you get it right.

Girls don't snore. And even if they do, you are not supposed to have any idea.

When she talks about a bigger house, it doesn't mean she wants one.

Sometimes, all she wants is you to notice the new hair.

Never try to solve her problems. All she wants is for you to listen.

She always hopes you'll change... but most times, she'll make do until you do.

The answer to "Did you miss me?" is always, "Yes!"

No matter how pally you are with your other friends who are girls, never use nicknames like "Sexy" , "Sugar" or "Sweetheart".

The term "mood-swing" is strictly reserved for the use of the female half of the couple.

Women really are from Venus.

Never try to buy a purse. Neither for her nor yourself for that matter.

And just when you think you've cracked the combination... it changes.

2007-02-06T09:38:00.000+08:00

back! and this time with just a month more to go before i'll get to stand proud at the parade square. really appreciate all the prayers.

and as from this week.. i'll be a core leader in the youth church. well.. at first i didnt think that i was ready. but somehow darren managed to clear some doubts. besides its all in God's wonderful timing.. so it's just dumb of me to worry too much. i just pray that my job scope and time wouldnt clash between church and army. (a pretty far cry from each other i must say)

chinese new year.. cant wait. cant wait. cant wait.

i've learnt a new word : photowhoring
and thats exactly what i've been doing with my spanking new camera
http://www.lifes-attempt-in-pixels.blogspot.com

2007-01-08T21:27:00.000+08:00

argh.. same ol feeling. bags packed. four hours on the plane. hope i get the window seats again. haha. will be back at the end of the month. dont worry much.. God's been doing a pretty fine job in safe keeping me. :)

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

but i dont wanna go

2007-01-08T00:15:00.001+08:00

a little visual recap.

all looking fine and dolled up for SMASH '07 and vision night at the oh-so-quaint rosette at sha villa. great food. haha

and happy 21st birthday to sam chin. held at aloha resort with a beautiful view of the sea and sunset. amazing feeling to have the breeze and colours like these around you. great food too. :)

now i've to hold on dearly to these memories as i'm whisked off to another foreign land for another month. honestly, the feeling sucks. but thanks to darren's enlightening words.. i'm reminded to work towards being the salt and light of the world wherever and whenever.

2007-01-01T04:57:00.000+08:00

looking back on last year's post on the same day..

"..now is the first minute of the first hour of the last day of the year 2005.
i loved 2005 really. hated some parts though. but thanks to God.. i can still look at the big picture and smile. things i wanted.. He gave me.. some He didn't. but of course, its all for a good reason. i've also learnt that i'm more of an introvert rather than an extrovert and that i'm a thinker rather than a feeler. rather cool. haha. 2005 was a year that i didnt look forward to very much. thanks to the A levels. but when i look back.. well.. it wasnt that bad after all. wouldnt mind experiencing it again. but then again.. life is about moving on. i'm gonna miss this year. cant help but have a sense of nostalgia at the end of every year. i guess its only human. what 2006 holds... i dont know. i can get pretty scared when i think too much into it. but i know that i can pray for it. i pray that it would make me stronger. pray that i'd learn more. pray that i'd grow. pray for better relationships. pray that i'd be the man of God i always wanted to be. pray for a new zoom effects pedal. haha. but really.. nothing starts a year better then committing it to God.
From the fullness of His grace we have all recieved one blessing after another. ~John 1:16
be really merry.."

wow.. it was just like yesterday that i wrote that entry. the speed that time goes by can be really scary at times. just last year i remember i was still figuring out what ns would turn out to be like.. how i would spend the free 4 months waiting for enlistment.. how much i would change.. how much guts i had to go for things that i really wanted.
haha what do your know.. its been one year.. and i've done a few jobs, got my own car, experienced the jungle like never before, became wiser in some ways (i hope), learnt from some mistakes. man! there's just so much to recall about. just one year.. 365 days. so many things have happened. yet it all seemed to have started from yesterday.
one word to describe my 2006 - defining.

as for 2007.. i want to get real with God again. i have realised that in 2006.. it was difficult to spend time with God. hopefully that will change this year. and as usual.. i always wish for another special year. wouldn't it be cool to recall each year by a particular special event? somehow.. i predict that 2007 would be a year whereby i'll have to make decisions. the choices i make this year concerns the rest of my life really. hope God would help me in that. and also i might be joining back in the yc as a core leader or play for the adult worship team. well.. yet to fully realise God's plan in my life for 2007.
and as for 2007 resolutions.. i've been idle over that.. guilty as charged. anyway.. a few things from the top of my head to start off with.. 1) start caculating the cost of car maintainence 2) get back on reviving my guitar skills 3) find a comms ball date 4) finish that damned book that's been left on page 53 since 2 months ago

times like these

2006-12-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

my mother. my overworried mother. now even i am worried for her for worrying too much. people my age have parents who push them to study/work harder. but no.. my mom already has premonitions of me ending up like my 40 plus bachelor uncle.

"duane.. i think you're too shy.."
"no i'm not"
"yes you are"
"no i'm not"
"ok then.. approach that girl over there and get her number"
"!?"

bang

2006-12-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

***
abstracts..

Monday, 131106, 0339,
going to the airport has always been a happy thing for me. kinda different this time. and now.. the officers are chatting up on all the pretty air stewardess in the front cabin. just how can i get that glass of water. but hey.. at least i've got the whole row of seats to myself.. and sitting right beside the window. love love love watching the skies outside...

Thursday, 161106, 2246
the survivors creed - 'for one to survive, one must die. the survivor's preservation takes precedence over all humanitarian principles..'
erm.. thanks.. but no thanks..

Saturday. 181106, 0433
and what do you know.. what we've been training for.. waiting for.. its here. the start of the long nine days..

Thursday, 231106, 1608
here's a given scenario. its quiet. dark. serene. and alone. i cant help it. with all these silence.. my mind is overflowing with thoughts. whenever i think about things, its either when i'm busy, or taking a walk home with music down my ears. this time.. its just.. nothing. i can pratically hear, see.. feel my thoughts. its so quiet. its so surreal that i feel sad when i think sad thoughts, and laugh when i recall the funny images in my mind... almost like see my whole life flash by in a blur

Friday, 241106, 1640

to-eat list
..
carl's junior
beef ball noodles
fruit punch
..
ben and jerry's (i'm already a laughing stock of the platoon due to the fact that i've never eaten that before.. and thanks to stuart who has been listing out the 1001++ flavours that they actually have)
apple cider
satay
pasta
..

Saturday, 261106, 0327
ok.. i admit it. i miss home. i've taken things back home for granted... i've learned.. i've conquered.. i've wisened up a bit.. now time to go home.

hm.. what can i say.. well.. to sum it up - i sure do have nice stories to share about now.
***

happy birthday bro! hope i've always been the brother you always needed

now tell me.. what else beats the feeling you get when you return home from a long tiring trip.. and to see the xmas decorations decked up and looking pretty. :)

2006-11-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

MIA 13th - 29th.
will be back with bang. ;)

i'm in a do-all-kinds-of-civilised-things-possible-before-flying-off kind of mood

2006-11-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

if you happen to drop by eskibar. dont bother trying to act tough and go without a jacket with your other chauvinistic friends. DONT. haha.. man.. we all ended up looking like freezing chickens in 5 mins. mark my words.

during cell.. alvin posed a question to us. it really did hit me.
is there anyone whom you know for sure is praying for you?
it hit me not only because i had to rake my brains and think of people whom i think would pray for me on a daily basis. it was mainly because i realised that I myself havent been praying for other people besides my family members. i would be lying if i said that i've been praying for my cell members, friends or even fellow aquaintances. guilty as charged. sigh..

well.. lemme see.. its the 11th of nov. amazing. the year is almost gone. things have happened. things have changed. and of course there are still (quite a few) things that i've yet to strike of from my to-do-list and resolutions of year 2006. argh.. not much time left. and from the looks of it.. some of them seem rather impossible at this moment.. ahh heck.. whats life without trying yeah? haha

2006-11-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

ok. i admit it. i'm bored. sigh.. there's no point booking out early when all your other pals are still stuck in camp. for now its just me and autumn. i so need to treasure these 3 days. in no time i'll be gone to a foreign that i've hardly heard of.

i bought dishwalla live from flow state. good good soup for the soul :)

a gentle thunder

2006-11-10T00:46:00.000+08:00

it's one thing to suffer for doing wrong. something else entirely to suffer for doing right. but it happens. and when the storm burts, it washes away the naive assumption that if i do right, i will never suffer.
just ask the faithful couple whose crib is empty and whose womb is barren.
just ask the businessman whose honest work was rewarded with a runaway inflation.
just ask the student who took a stand for the truth and got mocked, the Sunday school teacher who took a class and got tired, the husband who took a chance and frogave his wife, only to be betrayed again.
just ask me.

well.. uncle kim was telling me about how his 14month old grandson was already attending six classes a week. art, swimming, music, photographic memory... FOURTEEN MONTH!! thats not even as long as my ns life! sigh.. he was also saying that he's been trying to get his daughter to tone down on all the crazy lessons.. but as usual, the excuses she would give was that everyone else's child was doing it. its becoming a mad life i know.. but do spare the kids man. childhood is just like every other second of our lives, you only live it once.

was at kino with the moody kinda of book-in feeling.. stepped out and guess what i saw.. a christmas tree. a christmas tree! Heeuge tree. the green, the red, the gold.. and before you know it, what do you know.. i was smiling again :)

what is God was one of us

2006-10-08T16:44:00.000+08:00

every sun eve at about 5 plus i'll start to feel the book-in blues. pack my bag. finish my homework. wash up. and without fail.. i'll plonk myself in front of the tv to watch my last programme of the week. and its always joan of arcadia. i have to say that its a really good, nice and pleasant show. now, how i wish i could see and talk to God in person. maybe ask him a few questions..

2006-10-01T00:10:00.000+08:00

i know that the next few weeks are going to be rather tough for me. even uncle cheeboon who has been a pillar of strength for me has fallen rather weak due to chest pains and physical weakness do pray for him. i'm sure God would bring him through. so i'm going to brace myself and hold on to happy thoughts. haha.. yeah, happy thoughts.

and before i go.. i really must share this. haha.. it was simple.. made me smile and made my day

happy birthday dad

2006-09-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

being the beer connoisseur that he his. i tried to compile a whole of supposedly good imported beers. as for me.. i'm not quite a chip off that part of the block yet. i'm still working on that can of heineken on my table right now... a little bitter.
and social night turned out really cool after all. no jitters.. no screw ups. it was amazingly fun! haha

2006-09-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling rather weak inside. my grandma isn't as strong as she used to be. its times like these that i just want to commit more time.. but i cant.. because i'm only given 1 and a half days of the week to do so. each time i pray.. its almost like a plea for more time. i want to make her feel happy and let her know that i want to be there with her.
so what if i can charge up the knoll leading 27 other soldiers with psyched aggression. its been quite a facade. i still feel so weak inside.

thinking happy thoughts, i can start going back to church and maybe cell more often. thank God for e learning.

2006-08-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

today was.. how do i say.. a heart warming day.
eric.. i have to say that you and your girlfriend are a source of inspiration for me. and i mean it from the bottom of my heart. despite all the time that has passed.. it brings me great joy to know that my good friend recieved the blessings he always deserved. way to go dude.

pizza boy

2006-08-25T21:55:00.000+08:00

there was a man used to work part-time in a pizza restaurant. he made friends with a pizza delivery boy. that boy had something special in him that always left him with lifted spirits. even though the pizza boy left the job shortly after, he never forgot the personality of that one person. so the man decided to name his son after that pizza boy.
as a result, my name is duane.

beautiful oblivion

2006-08-20T14:28:00.000+08:00

i dont know what new nice songs are out there. dont know the real reason behind the raging war in the middle east. dont know what's the latest macdonald's offers. haha.. i'm pretty out of touch there.

i dont like the feeling of having things fly past me like that. i pray every night to God that he would somehow give me a chance someday to catch up with all the things i've missed and passed.

and does anyone have any advice, ideas or opinions on unit trusts and investments? please let me know about it. because i've quite a sizeable lump sum of money i've saved over the years and been keeping it in a fixed deposit. i intend to work on a good debt and sound investment. haha.. my parents wouldnt help me because they want me to learn it myself. (they forgot i'm still in the army..)

2006-08-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

can you believe it? i'm actually mugging the night away.
i traded my converse sneakers for combat boots. my nike truckers for a jokey cap. my pink ic for an 11b.
why didnt you take away the shelves and books!?! haha

All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

indeed..

2006-08-09T01:27:00.000+08:00

its not that i'm not into blogging anymore.

its just that there's this thing called the OFFICIAL SECRETS ACT. you see.. i cannot reveal anything that goes on in my army life. cant post pics. cant say this cant say that. and having nearly 92.9% of my life going in camp.. well.. guess the only thing i can share about is the huge bruised bump on my knee - even that i might have to share with caution. not that i have much rights as an officer cadet myself anyway.
and they even say that the one-star general up there surfs the net to check up on pple's blogs. pft. what a joke. who on earth would believe that?! (ok.. if you really happen to chance upon this.. i'm sorry)

right now. i want to give advices.
if you are able to lie on your very own bed and just lie still there for a minute and keep in a daze. cherish it.
if you are able to enjoy your food without worrying about meeting some time limit. cherish it.
if you are able to wake up to your body clock and not to some lousy alarm clock. cherish it.
if you get a chance to sit down and take your time to let the beautiful scenery sink into you. take a while more.
if you can hook up to your favourite tunes whenever you want. please cherish it.
if you can smile without the feeling of apprehension clouding up behind your mind. cherish it.

i dont think many people will get what i'm saying. but it is not until recently that i have really started to learn to cherish little things like these. sometimes you do too many big things that you start to miss the smaller things in life. before you know it.. you lose the chance to cherish them.

haha.. and it seems that i'm sounding depressed over my army life. haha. dont get the wrong idea. i'm not. my family and friends went through blood and sweat for me. i'm more than willing to do my part to protect them. in fact, i'm rather proud of it.

i remember..

2006-07-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

**
A: eh its damn dark.. and watch out for that puddle
D: huh? what pudd..
*splash*
D: its a pond..

**

D: i think that sir is a bloody nuisance!
A: erm.. hehe. no la. he's quite nice la.
D: (!!??) he's behind me now isn't he....

"KNOCK IT DOWN!!"

**

A: eh! wake up wake up!
D: huh.. what what?! what happened??
A: did i take my vitamin C before sleeping?

**

2006-07-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

what i wish for now.
i wish that when i wake up on my bed tmr.. i'll be able to hear the rain drops on my windows and see the cascading flow down the panels.
ah.. bliss.

2006-06-19T00:32:00.000+08:00

bags pack. 3 weeks confinement starting from 7am. bring it on!!

2006-06-18T03:05:00.000+08:00

start of block leave was the blissful part. now this is the sad sad sad part. i've revisited and laid out all my stuff on the floor and done a checklist.. now whats left is compressing all the contents into one little duffel bag and making a trip down to beach road to buy more stuff to burst the bag further. and all this for 3 weeks confinement. where's the justice?? no wait.. where's the logic!? i need to write a poem on inequitability haha. on the other hand.. i'm super confident that i'll survive every bit of what's left. God was really amazing throughout the my three months.. grace beyond my own feeble comprehension.

its 3.11am and i cant sleep. i was cable tv surfing on my bed and i saw this taiwanese show. its one of those reality tv where they pry their noses into every little business that doesnt concern them. this episode was about some couple who was to get married on that day. everything was good and perfect and all.. until the exchanging of the vows. the guy was like 'i do' already.. then when it was her turn.. she starting blabbering all sorts of chinese about his mother her mother.. this and that, and she walked away. i was thinking, "hmm.. cool drama.." then i realised, huh? its REALITY TV! the bride-to-be actually DID walked off the wedding!! wah.. the groom was pitiful man.. he was staring at the church entrance for who knows how long even though she went off. i bet to my last dollar that he's either going for suicide or a month long drinking session. seriously.. i can almost empathize. Imagine. you are finally ready to share your whole life ahead with your other half. you pratically waited your twenty plus years for this one person and chance. nothing is going to stop you. full bliss full steam ahead. and then.. "NO". haha.. oh man.
i remember uncle kum kwong saying that you can never be too sure until the moment she really says 'i do'. that seems so scarily true.

ah finally. i'm sleepy.

2006-06-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

oh yeah... timmo, es and dre over at my place for wc!

on a sad note.. back to army..

haha! timmo is doing his celebration dance in my room now upon the second argentinian goal..

anyway.. its at safti on monday morning.. thats JURONG!

a little prayer

2006-06-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

God taught me something today.

i bet everyone's been on a bus or train ride and watched the faces of people on board.. anxious ones, dazed out ones, joyful ones, ultra tired ones... and so on and so forth. haha i do that on a pretty frequent basis (you weirdo). i realised that there are times when i see a particular stranger's face.. i feel a nudge within. i never really bothered about it. however.. there was this lady today whom i saw on the train. she looked darn tired, pale, sickly and kept trying to stay awake to tie those yellow buddhist bracelets. that was when i got the same feeling. but this time.. it wasnt some nudge.. it was like the HUGE punching impact from the chinese high dude! the feeling was way too powerful for me to overlook. then i realised.. divine appointment. yes! 100% CONFIRMED GUARANTEED CHOP STAMP (whatever)....divine appointment! REVELATION! that was exactly what uncle chee boon has always wanted to tell me about!
all these while.. the nudges i've been getting meant that God was trying to tell me to do something for the stranger i'm looking at... which is nothing else but a simple prayer. so yeah.. i prayed for that lady silently. man.. it was uplifting for me. and i'm pretty sure she that would be able to feel it at some point of her life and realise that the Real Big Daddy doesnt really live in those tiny yellow bracelets.
prayers.. be it a little or biggy one.. are all beautiful and uplifting.

and.. and.. and.....ANNNDD....... sigh... writing about the wonders of God makes you forget the other things you wanted to blog about 30 seconds ago.

2006-06-15T00:58:00.000+08:00

wahaha my section's ditching me. i'm darn bored. does anyone want to do anything with me?

2006-06-14T19:44:00.001+08:00

finally! the REAL world cup has started. france - switzerland, brazil-croatia. oh man. i need coffee. i'm bored to death waiting for the matches to start so i've decided to do the lamest thing i never wanted to do - questionaires. kevin sent it to me and said that i should do one just for the sake of doing it. erm.. so here goes.
~~
What time do you get up?on a really good lazy day... by 12pmEye color?brown Hair color?black Piercing?had one on the lip when i was a dumb punkTattoo?no, thank youHow much do you love your job?at 350 a month.. its a love-hate relationshipOne pillow or two?2Loved somebody so much it made you cry?oh sure. most Christians do.Hopeless romantic or non-romantic?is there a difference? just say i'm working hard to be a pratical romanticBeen in a car accident?yes. minor scratchIf you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?my grandadGold or silver?silverWhat was the last film you saw at the cinema?x3What is/are your favorite TV show(s)?who's line is it anyway.. grey's anatomy.. smallville.. the 70's show.. spongebob.. house... i pretty much stone in front of the tv regardless of programmeWhat did you have for breakfast?cerealWho would you hate to be stuck in a room with?my music teacher from secondary school. she's pitchy and likes to pinch my cheeks.Who would you want to be stuck with?my mysterious future wife (jessica alba would be good too hehe)Your first kiss?never happened. though i remember i got kissed by some handsome girl called addy. What/who inspires you?people full of confidence and focus (thank God for my parents). and a walk down memory lane with music in my earsWhat is your middle name?(space)Beach, City or Country?i like all threefavorite ice cream?passion fruit, cookies n cream and most recently.. hokey pokeyButter, plain or salted popcorn?ButterFavorite color?i hate i hate i hate this question. totally.What kind of car do you drive?the kind that my parents wont be using for the dayDo you like to drive fast?only if i want to impress someoneFavorite sandwich?chicken salad and salmonWhat characteristic do you despise?self-pityFavorite flower?tulips. got a picture of those hanging on my wallIf you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?venice. havent been there.What color is your bathroom?peachy brownish whitishFavorite brand of clothing?ddp. some french brand that i cant find anymore hereWhere would you retire to?haven't really thought that far. but i guess i'd stay where my grandkids areFavorite day of the week?sunday. coz there's church, good lunch and family timeWhat did you do for your last birthday?invited friends overWhere were you born?sydneyFavorite sport to watch?surprisingly.. its fencingWhat fabric detergent do you use?dynamo i thinkCoke or Pepsi?fool me all you wantAre you a morning person or a night owl?i like the whole day as it is thank youWhat do you do when you are bored?erm.. this? hahaWhat is your shoe size?9.5Do you have any pets?no. but i've got quite a number of house lizardsBedtime?when nap attack comes.. there's no stopping man
~~
haha! totally cracked me up when i was doing this. off to world cup!

2006-06-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

a post on monday

2006-06-12T11:35:00.000+08:00

haha! can you believe it?! its monday morning!! its been forever since i've been able to sleep like pig through sunday and wake up like a king on a late monday morning on my OWN bed. its been a great. and whole lot of events in these mere fews days have made me a happy man. ah well.. more to cherish, sieze and grab.
more stories to come.

9 more days and we'll be through

2006-05-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

rather contented today. its good to have worship every week. freshens up life by quite a bit.
hm.. well.. as for updates. nothing much. watched xmen3 today. think it rocks even though i didnt catch x2.
passing out in 9 days time! time flies when your learning and making friends. feels like orientation to me. think pop would be a proud moment for all. too bad my family wouldnt be there to see it. :(
wanted to chat up with uncle kim. got loads of things that i want to share about. o well.. next week.

"so is it breakfast or dinner now?" haha. cant forget that line

2006-05-14T17:30:00.000+08:00

hm.. i think i've lost contact with the oustide world already.

and of course.. happy mother's day mummy!!
mothers; i say the best female thing that has ever happened to us men.

2006-05-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

***
introducing the saf weight loss programme. 5kg off in 3 weeks. resurfacing of pacs guaranteed. (non)pain-free treatment. includes periodical sleep loss, blocks of exhaustion, darkened skin tones, communal adjustments and shortening of hair. oh.. right.. and some welfare.
hard sell military style.
***

field camp is over. for some reason.. my bed feels like a a huge fluff of cotton candy.. ah..
and i'm now sporting three stiches on the left side of my chin because..(yadda yadda). i was told i look like some mean marine now. haha.. bullocks man.

FINALLY.. i made it to church today. feels good to worship and listen to the sermon again. been deprived of 'fresh' wisdom due to the fact that i've read my devotional over and over three times already. today's sermon by deacon andrew was really good too. topic: our future. made me think about what i've to look forward to after army life. the least distant thing i foresee is uni. there's ntu, smu and nus. i've still no idea. maybe nus coz i've got the usp programme. but then again i never liked being called a scholar. dont ask me why man. got till 060606 which is amazingly my pop. well.. time to pray, reflect, xbox, ps2, dota, sleep,

LISTEN TO MUSIC BABY!

2006-04-14T13:33:00.000+08:00

i feel different. man.. i dont want to change.

2006-04-13T23:10:00.000+08:00

ah.. as lovely as home cooked food

soldier on

2006-04-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

ah yes.. let me dwell a little more in this last moment of freedom before enlistment tmr.

last night i went to southbridge jazz with feli.. and man i love it!! its so much more relaxing and enjoyable than clubbing! not to mention its a whole lot of cleaner fun. the last time i went clubbing was in jan and i cant really be bothered to go back man. haha. its a wonderful place to just chill and chat along with the amazing live jazz band. i think i'm heading there every weekend when i book out. haha. its was definitely a great experience for me.

these few days.. have been eating rather a lot due to the fact that i was getting a lot of farewell treats. some people took it way too dramatically. my aunts and uncles were constantly expressing their worries.. and joyce and yin were crying their eyes out while i was laughin my head off. God will save my life every single day.. so please dont worry.
and went to the hair saloon today. told the lady i wanted a crew cut. let me repeat.. A CREW CUT. before i knew it.. she was shaving half my head off!!! i gave her the "what!!!" look.. but i just succumbed and let her finish her intent. so now a botak boy... i bought my supplies and packed my bag.

ah well.. like dad said.. i'll miss my bed and room. but the things i'll miss the most are my guitars. sigh.. my parents wouldnt let me bring them.. so guess i'll be surviving on my mp3 player.

goodbye room.
goodbye autum.
goodbye daily news.
goodbye xbox.
goodbye fridge.
goodbye friends.
goodbye good ol faithful blog.